Thought of the Day for TPTB
R*E*S*P*E*C*T - What a Concept
By PhoenixE
Mr Mallozzi:
I am not a poster on Gateworld - truth be told you couldn't PAY me enough to hang out there, however, your recent comments on that forum were brought to my attention. The ones casting aspersions on the provenance of the letters being forwarded to MGM, the Sci Fi Channel and Stargate productions by SDJ on behalf of fans of the show wishing to express their dismay and concern over the death of Daniel Jackson, the substitution of Jonas and the deconstruction of Stargate SG-1. As I am the person who has personally received, formatted and forwarded the lion's share of these letters to the mailing volunteers I felt obligated to respond to these slights to not only my personal veracity, but also to the disrespect being shown to the individual authors of these missives.
Every single one of those letters you are so gleefully sneering at came from a real person. They came directly into my inbox from the SDJ site in the form of an e-mail with a verifiable, distinct e-mail address. Not only do I still have a copy of each and every one of those source e-mails, but Digital Positions can also, of course, furnish proof of their existence. We have assured confidentiality to each person who has submitted a letter for forwarding so we will not disclose the addresses themselves, but we DO have them, and we can prove they exist.
We can also contact each and every one of these people and share your doubts about their personal veracity as well as your disparaging opinion about the feelings they have taken the time and effort to share with you. Do you wish us to ask them to PROVE to you they are in fact who they say they are and the comments, feelings, opinions forwarded to you on their behalf are in fact, theirs? We CAN do this. How do you think they would feel about this?
How would YOU feel about being called a liar and a fool?
This is NOT a threat, sir, simply a heartfelt plea for you to stop laughing and start listening. You want respect, sir? Well, how about you start by bestowing some on the people you owe your job to, not simply, only the wee handful of adherents who agree with everything you say.
Back to those letters. Most of them, certainly every single one we have received post-Meridian was cut and pasted to the SDJ stationery - by ME - exactly as written. All I did was spell check and add the odd capital. I in no way altered, censored or omitted ANYTHING from the original e-mail. You have my word on this, but as I expect that means nothing to you I can also produce the source e-mail as proof the text of each forwarded letter has not been interfered with in any way so as to alter the original words, feelings and intentions of the author.
Who all are REAL people. With only a handful of exceptions, each and every person has supplied their full name as well as their complete mailing address. Also, more than a few of them have also provided us - and you - with unique, personal details as to their ages, marital status, their occupations. As well as their personal opinions about the show's new direction, the characters, how they feel about Daniel no longer being a part of the show and whether or not they intend to support Stargate in the future. I know all of this, what they are feeling, what they think and what they've told you because I have read each and every one of these letters.
Have you?
My honest advice to you, sir, as someone who wishes you well no matter what you might think of me - if only to serve your own best self-interests you should stop snickering and start reading.
Seriously.
The letters you have publicly 'poo-poohed' to date represent the thoughts and feelings of over seven hundred people (I regret I cannot at this time furnish you with the EXACT number. There are still quite a few waiting in my 'to format' file I should be getting back to, and in fact, more are coming in as I am typing these words) from all different walks of life, age groups, occupations, from countries all over the world. Men and women, children, teenagers, senior citizens, husbands and wives, gay couples, families who used to watch the show together, as a much anticipated and enjoyed weekly family activity. School children, retired people, educators, business professionals, scientists, historians, high school students, doctors, nurses, members of the military, non English speaking individuals, housewives, blue collar workers, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, whole FAMILIES - each member having their say in turn.
All these people, each one an individual with something to say - some amazingly articulate, others barely literate - some responding in their mother tongue, not English, but whether or not they can turn a phrase to your satisfaction all equally impassioned and wanting to be heard. Why, I think you could safely say by looking at this particular 'sampling' it is a telling representation, a microcosm of the truly widespread and far-reaching spectrum of the existing fan base for the original premise and team and is in fact compelling proof this show crosses all the boundaries in its popularity and appeal. These letters are as eclectic, rich and diverse as the actual REAL fandom itself.
Fancy that.
Oh, and an interesting additional piece of information for you, before I forget. You and Mr Wright constantly, CONSTANTLY attempt to devalue and dismiss the opinions and feelings of every single person who voices any sort of dissatisfaction with the 'brand new perspective' by lumping all of us under the umbrella of 'pathetic Daniel/MS fan'. As if dismissing us as being 'merely' Daniel fans is enough of a justification for ignoring and discounting us.
Well, sir, this sampling of letters also firmly puts the boots to THAT particular myth as well. For - surprise, surprise not all of these people ARE 'Daniel/MS fans' - per se. Some of them state quite plainly that although they like the character he is NOT their favourite. Nor do they consider themselves to be a 'fan' of either the character OR the actor.
Daniel is not their favourite? Then why, do you ask, if this entire campaign is, as you constantly assert, all about DANIEL - why are they writing to vigorously protest his marginalization on the team and removal from the show?
If you'd read the letters you'd know, but in the interest of accuracy I will tell you. Bearing in mind I can prove everything I am saying here, so don't waste your time and mine saying it ain't so (because, of course, as we both know it would be inconvenient, not to mention embarrassing for you to acknowledge/admit it damned well is so) because I'm sorry - it - um - damned well is.
All of these people might NOT be Daniel fans, but they ARE fans of the show and the team. No, Daniel is NOT their favourite character but they are unanimous in vehemently agreeing he is a vital and irreplaceable part of the team. The SG-1 can't be and isn't SG-1 without Daniel. Therefore, for them to enjoy the show they formerly loved and want restored to a state where they can enjoy it and watch it again Daniel MUST be a part of the team. An important, equal member of the team. No if ands buts or Jonases.
They're writing because they want the TEAM restored to it's former self - and Daniel is a part of that vital gestalt. Essential to the team, the show, their enjoyment of the whole. Whether he is their favourite or not. Ergo, they want him the hell back on the team where he belongs! It's got nothing to do with whether or not they like him best and everything to do with them recognising and attempting to remind you of a vital fact you seem to be vigorously ignoring.
The same damned fact we've ALL been trying to remind you of while you keep trying to deflect our core, essential message of TEAM with an 'It's all about Daniel so what you're saying doesn't matter' forcefield.
Stick your fingers in your ears and scream it loud enough, long enough and it still won't go away. Any more than we will.
It's NOT 'all about Daniel', JUST about Daniel, and it never bloody well has been, dammit! Not for these people, and you know what, not for US either. Our bottom line has always, ALWAYS been the team, and the show. Of which Daniel is a vital, necessary, irreplaceable part. We'd feel exactly the same way, be doing exactly the same thing if this was about ANY of the other members of the cast - RDA, AT or CJ (in case you forget who the other members of SG-1 are...).
TEAM, sir. Always first and foremost. Always. No matter who our particular personal favourite member happens to be.
That 'respect' thing? A good way for you to start mending some of these bridges, and showing us you want to try and tender us a wee bit of the respect due us would be for you to finally acknowledge this one itty bitty teeny weenie fact. Give us SOMETHING - some paltry indication you acknowledge and respect SOMETHING that means so much to us.
Acknowledge you admit you finally understand our concern is for the team and the show - that we're not JUST Daniel fans - and we'll be grateful. Trust me on this. Give just a little - you'll be amazed at how much you get back.
Respect. You wanna get some, you've got to give some. Here's where you can start.
Believe it or not, sir, we are NOT your enemies. We only want what's best for the show. We sure wish you did as well.
We can't promise we would always praise you, but we will tell you the truth. Which ultimately is of far more use to you than empty, vapid, indiscriminate adulation.
'Friends' who tell you what you want to hear seldom tell you what you NEED to know. The Truth. If you have the guts to aspire to become a great writer over settling for being a pedestrian one, you OWE it to yourself to get the truth. That's the only way it's ever going to happen.
Think about it. You'll be glad you did.
But getting back to our letters, again, our entire fandom in a nutshell. Each one of these letters represents real, people, Mr Mallozzi. And by extension, Mr Wright, Mr Cohen, Ms Hammer. (Lest you think we have forgotten about you). Not numbers. Not abstractions, not statistics to be manipulated as it suits you. Or dismissed when they do not. Real, living, breathing individuals with feelings, likes and dislikes - and the power to indulge their particular individual tastes with their TV remotes and their wallets. Real people who possess the ability to judge and assess your efforts and the results of your 'creative' choices and decide for THEMSELVES whether or not what you are producing is pleasing them and whether or not they wish to continue to buy what you are selling.
Not only are they real, sir, but they are out there, and they are very, VERY unhappy with what is happening to their favourite show. A whole LOT of them.
We've been telling you since day one of the campaign the fans of the 'original' Stargate and of Daniel are not only more numerous than you want to accept but they're all across the board. They're not just a small group you can dismiss and ignore out of hand, not simply - as you have been gleefully styling us - a 'vocal minority' consisting of a handful of strident, bitter, lunatic 'females' with too much time on their hands and an axe to grind. READ these letters, sir!
Seven hundred people, many who are NOT online fans - and who have taken great pains to say so. Many of whom have NEVER written a protest letter - or any sort of a letter to the creative team of a television show before. And have said so. Most do not even consider themselves to be 'fans' in the stereotypical 'get a life and move out of your parent's basement' sense. They have no clue about the Internet community, have had no exposure to the online fandom world and have no desire to become a part of it. They're just ordinary people tuning in to enjoy their favourite show week after week, year after year, completely oblivious to the various and sundry melodramas and power struggles unfolding in the Stargate cyberspace universe. They just like the damned show and they DON'T like what they see happening to it.
Many of these real, ordinary 'Not-fans just viewers' are extremely uncomfortable writing these letters and yet because they care so much about this show, love it and the characters they cannot allow what THEY perceive to be serious mistakes and errors in the show's direction to continue unaddressed and feel they MUST make themselves heard and say something.
These are the grassroots folks who have supported this show for the last five years - the silent but intensely loyal majority who have been drawn into their deep and passionate appreciation for Stargate as a result of YOUR efforts to so engage them. You - the collective Powers that be. You made them give a crap and tune in week after week, year after year so your advertisers could pedal their soap powders and Showtime could entice more subscribers and ALL of you could make money hand over fist off their love and loyalty. You - Mr Mallozzi - this job you strolled into at the beginning of the fourth season and which you have right now wouldn't EXIST - the show wouldn't exist but for these same people you are now crapping all over for caring. If you will pardon the analogy.
You strung us along for all these years to get what you wanted and now - now you don't need us? Or them? Don't need these people who are trying to tell you how they feel about what you've done to their beloved show and begging you to listen?
People who are so shocked, grieved, angered and saddened they have been jolted out of their comfort zone and impelled to find out what is going on. People who needed answers so desperately they sought out the SDJ site - some of them in a panicked frenzy - and once they found us read the information supplied (not rumours, not innuendo but verifiable, matter of public record, published information) and furthermore, based on what they learned there they subsequently felt strongly enough to take the further, unheard of step of actually making the effort to try and COMMUNICATE with you via the venue provided for them to do so at the Save Daniel Jackson site.
Communicate, sir. Ask for answers. Ask to be heard. Ask that their opinions, feelings and wishes - as genuine, ardent, loyal consumers of your product - be listened to and acknowledged.
Respected.
Again, I say to you, read these letters. We did not tell these people what to say, what conclusions to arrive at, what actions to take, what decisions to make about any of the characters or what they will or will not accept. We did not TELL them to chose whether or not to continue to support the show in its new format, nor did we MAKE them inform you of their own personal decisions. We are neither that powerful nor presumptuous - no matter what unflattering or inaccurate light you continue to attempt to shed on us. We don't tell people what to think. We credit them with enough taste and intelligence to make up their own minds. Which they have done, sir, all on their own.
All we have done is educate and provide them with a way to communicate. To give them a voice, if they choose to avail themselves of this option. To ensure - on their behalf, with their permission their thoughts, feelings and opinions will be seen by you. We believe as fans of this show, they DESERVE this respect and consideration.
I ask you, sir. do you believe they deserve the same respect and consideration from YOU?
Again, sir, I urge you to read these letters. Real letters from REAL people, sharing very profound, raw, very REAL feelings. Letters from irate husbands furious because YOU (again, the collective PTB 'you', not just you personally, sir) made their wife cry. Letters from shocked and grieving families dismayed a formally much enjoyed and eagerly anticipated weekly mutually shared activity was abruptly, brutally taken away from them with absolutely no warning. Angry young men asking how they are supposed to console their mothers, sisters, girlfriends - and outraged parents wanting to know why there was no warning of Daniel's death and complete - FINAL departure from the show so they could have spared their little ones the shock and horror of seeing their beloved hero horribly killed in a particularly gruesome and unpleasant way and now that he has finally, really gone - no reset button next week, look, kids, it's OKAY, Daniel's fine and he's back with his friends and family - how are they now supposed to comfort their grieving children? What do they say to them? How do they explain this to them? You wanna help them out, here? That's what THEY want to know.
Do you find this funny, sir? Brad? Bonnie? Hank? Are you proud of the fact you made CHILDREN cry and now are chortling over their grief? Do you have any children, Mr Mallozzi? How would YOU feel if someone made THEM cry? And then pointed a finger and sniggered at them for doing it?
Do you want to tell all of these people they should grow up and get a life? That as far as you are concerned their grief is not only stupid but, a great source of personal amusement to you, and you could care less how they feel? Do you wish to inform them they're all just a pack of pathetic losers, good for making fun of in front of your buds on Gateworld, but not good for anything else? Do you want to tell them 'what are you getting all upset about, it's only a television show'? That they should just shut up, let go of Daniel and their old, tired, but deeply cherished version of the team and the show - they don't need him and neither does the show they should just move on, stop phoning, stop writing and oh, by the way, tune in to season six for all the cool explosions and lots and lots of that GREAT new 'way better than Daniel' character Jonas you just KNOW they're all going to love.
Is this message you want to send to them, what you really think of them, what you want them to know? If this is in fact the case and if you would like to draft up a personal statement to that end and send it to me I would be MORE than happy to forward it to all of them on your behalf.
Oh, you have NO idea. Please, sir, MAKE my day!
And yes, I can hear you now. Seven hundred people? So what? That's hardly enough people to give anyone cause to do more than snicker. This is true, if the discontent was in fact limited to these seven hundred.
However, while we can only prove for a fact we here at SDJ have sent you seven hundred letters from seven hundred real people, we have good reason to believe this seven hundred, which we know of, and which we can personally verify the existence of is only a drop in the proverbial bucket.
'Deluge', was the word I believe you used? Please do feel free to correct me if I am mistaken. I wouldn't want to misquote you.
The SDJ site has a wee counter at the bottom of the home page. Last evening that puppy broke the one hundred thousand mark. One hundred thousand people have hit our site since we put it up, over twenty two thousand of them just since Meridian aired.
Twenty two THOUSAND since the tenth of May, sir. That's a lot of people in one month. Less than a month, actually. A lot of people. Something made those people come to the site, and while it could have been ecstatic happiness with the new character and direction, somehow, I don't think that's very likely. And also, given, by your own admission the cards, letters and calls are still coming in - (refer back to the deluge quote) and we ALSO know for a fact only seven hundred of those letters were sent to you by us - that leaves a whole lot of letters and calls coming in from people who are in no way directly connected to the campaign but who share similar views and the need to express them and have availed themselves of the information provided by the site to express themselves on their own.
If HALF of those twenty two thousand people have made one phone call and sent one letter - which we here at SDJ know NOTHING about and are in no way responsible for - that's a whole lot of cards and letters. Sent by a whole lot of angry people. Thousands in fact. Who AREN'T us, have nothing to do with us and aren't in any way associated with the campaign, but who feel the same way we do. Without having ANYTHING to do with us except to use our site as a resource to inform themselves about what is going on and where to direct their complaints and comments.
Imagine that.
A hundred thousand people have stopped by SDJ since December, sir. Whatever their reasons for paying us a visit - they still have come. And THAT'S just the people who have visited the site. At this time we have no way of knowing the numbers of the people who have decided, on their own, based simply on what they have seen on the screen, to just tune out and walk away.
A decision they made all on their own, without being influenced by us, without even KNOWING Save Daniel Jackson exists.
There is no way to know how many of these people have walked away from the show, never to return, that is, until the six season airs and the numbers start coming in. That's ultimately when the truth will out. Who is really 'right' about this situation - you (the collective you) or us - the so-called Vocal Minority. You (the collective you) are pinning your hopes on the new audience you are hoping to attract being bigger or at least equal to the audience you have discarded. The audience you KNEW you had and yet you felt was disposable enough to throw away.
What if you're wrong? Guess we'll be the ones who'll be laughing then, huh?
Who gets the last laugh? You - or us? Only time will tell, and that time is very swiftly approaching.
As much as you want to try and blame us folks here at SDJ for everything short of global warming we did not create this situation, Mr Mallozzi, Mr Wright, Mr Cohen, Ms Hammer - you did. We did not make the inexcusable, intolerable changes and decisions that inflamed the masses and incited them to batter at your gates - you did. All we have done is to provide information, educate, and give the disenchanted and cruelly disenfranchised multitude a voice. And make no mistake, sir, as much as you have tried to ignore and downplay the very, very real concerns and complaints of your existing audience - we are talking masses, here. Thousands and thousands and THOUSANDS of extremely unhappy people. Wanting answers. Wanting satisfaction. A little respect.
Getting none of these things. Getting squat from you, as a matter of fact, except more and more belittled, devalued and insulted every time one of you opens your mouth.
Ever since we've started calling you on all of this and asking you why you won't LISTEN to us and treat us with a little common courtesy and respect you (the collective you) have tried to make the ever growing manifestation of the discontent of an entire fandom all about us. The small handful of people who are the organisers of the Save Daniel Jackson campaign. If you think attributing thousands of calls and letters from all over the world, from every representative section of your fan base to a handful - a HANDFUL of people is going to somehow make that huge, howling, unhappy multitude out there miraculously dry up and go away - you're even more misguided and mistaken than you claim we are.
Oh, they'll go away, all right. They've been turning their backs and walking away for months now, taking the show with them. And you - yes all of you will be the ones left holding the bag after we've all departed.
We at SDJ are not the problem sir, we are merely the messengers. The facilitators. Waste your energy insulting us if it pleases you, posture and pretend to your minions all of this comes down to a small group of delusional fans, and everything is going to be GREAT GREAT GREAT! Call us names, snicker at us, make fun of us and IGNORE that deluge. Keep telling yourself what you want to believe - close your eyes to the real, urgent reality that is facing you, ignore us, ignore us, ignore us. See what happens.
Don't believe me, Mr Mallozzi. Keep on kidding yourself all this trouble is being caused by a half a dozen people (not that that is an accurate number of the actual ranks of the Dark Conspirators - tee hee) and you can afford to ignore what we and those thousands and thousands of people phoning and writing letters are trying to tell you and see where all your arrogant short-sightedness gets you.
Wave bye bye to your audience. I hope you've enjoyed all the fun you've had at our expense, but your 'fresh new perspective' - your brand new sixth season is going to be playing to an empty house.
Don't believe me? Suit yourself. Wait and see if everything I'm saying here doesn't happen and worse. Don't say we didn't try to warn you. We've only been trying to get you - all of you - to wake up and smell the coffee for the last six months. We're almost out of time, and what a coincidence, so are you. Who's right and who's wrong - I guess we're all going to know that pretty darned soon, aren't we?
The only difference - we are not going to be the ones left standing with egg all over our faces and scrambling around like mad badgers trying to salvage something of our credibility and careers from the flaming wreck of Stargate - YOU are.
An iceberg sunk the Titanic. The unsinkable was proven to be not so on her maiden voyage. So much for the hubris of her builders. And speaking of false pride - how much of Stargate is going to be left in the aftermath of the 'Daniel Debacle'?
I hope YOU lot have enough lifeboats. And bailing buckets. You're going to need them.
Stop sneering for a moment and consider - just consider - what if we ARE right? Are you prepared for what the utter failure of the sixth season could mean for you personally, not to mention your chances of ever getting a job in the industry again based on your performance during this whole affair? Don't kid yourself those you might want to impress with your talents and hit up for future employment don't have an eye on you right now. Put yourself in their shoes. Based on the way you have been behaving and treating your fans - would YOU hire you?
Can you really afford to ignore us, sir?
You may be digging the adulation of your wee herd of sycophants right now, you might be totally enjoying playing the big, powerful producer sneering at the stupid, misguided Daniel/Michael fans but do you think your adoring adherents are gonna be anywhere in sight when heads start rolling? Are they going to pay your bills for you when it all goes south and your back is to the wall?
Again, don't say we didn't warn you.
Abusing US is not going to make THEM - the hordes of the disenchanted disenfranchised - go away. Attempting to silence US is not going to make them shut up and you know what, it's sure not going to make them tune in to season six either. Playing the big man on campus and 'ooh, ooh look at me I'm a producer' to the groundlings while pretending the Less than Impressed do not exist isn't going to make this sorry, sinking ship float.
You call us delusional, but I think perhaps you should take a good, hard look at the state of your own reality. You're living on a level of denial all your own, and standing in a burning house screaming 'fire, what are you talking about, there's no fire,' while all around you the place is burning and your former 'admirers' are bailing and running for cover makes about as much sense as - oh, everything you've been DOING for the past six months.
Why you refuse to wake up and save your own ass is beyond me, but it is your ass. You're too proud or too short sighted to do what you need to do to protect your own interests that's not my problem. You can call me names and ignore me, as well as the thousands and thousands of others out there just like me but at the end of this all I'm going to lose is my TV show. And that's already happened, so how can you hurt me any more?
You, on the other hand, you stand to lose a whole bunch more if you've guessed wrong.
You all have high hopes of securing future situations for yourselves by parlaying this series into a 'franchise'. Spin off series and movies and a 'toon, oh my! No doubt you are hoping to get many more years of employment and financial gain out of your cash cow named Stargate. And all the little potential spin-offs you can milk out of it. With your 'fresh new perspective' as the launching pad for all of this wonderful potential filthy lucre.
Gonna be hard to get the whole thing to fly without an audience, isn't it? Rather than being poised on the brink of launching the franchise you are in currently positioned for plummeting off the cliff 'had it but dropped the ball, so sorry but no one cares about the runner up' and blowing the whole danged deal.
And speaking of Franchises, in closing I would like to mention one that has been very, very successful and has endured for over thirty years. I'm speaking, of course, of Star Trek. On Sunday I got a look at one of the main reasons WHY this show has bucked the odds, endured and has continued to successfully replicate and sustain itself. For thirty years and counting, and it's still going strong.
Respect. Not only for the property itself, but for the people who have loved it and supported it every step of the way.
On Sunday I saw a movie called 'Trekkies' for the first time. While I was watching it I found myself filled with a profound sadness, not to mention a considerable sense of envy when I watched the universal respect, admiration and gratitude the actors AND the writers, producers and directors held for the fans. Every single one of them had NOTHING but good things to say for the people who supported their show and had given them everything they had. They understood to whom they owed everything, and they were generous, gracious and effusive in their praise for the people who loved them in return. Fortunate fans, and extremely wise creative teams.
And here's us, lucky sods - we get you. Yippee. Please sir, I'd like to trade!
Where are YOU going to be in thirty years, Mr Mallozzi? Mr Wright? Are you going to be able to look back with deserved pride at a glorious and shining line of shows bearing the name of Stargate? The enduring and beloved Franchise YOU built? Are your names going to join the esteemed ranks of legendary writers who are admired, emulated and respected by the fans and your fellows in the industry as the far reaching, creative visionaries you have proven yourselves to be over the years?
Thirty years from now, is anyone even going to REMEMBER Stargate? Or you?
If you keep on your determined course of continuously and ungraciously biting the hand that feeds you, my guess would be not.
Maybe it's time to shut your mouth and ponder these questions. Maybe it's time to consider the concept of R*E*S*P*E*C*T, and the possibility it would serve you AND Stargate better if you considered knowing how to spell the word isn't enough. Try a little practical application of the concept for a change.
Maybe you should stop dissing and denying, open your eyes and take a good, long look around at the way things REALLY are.
And once you've done your thinking and finally decide to open your mouth again, the first words out of it should be 'Talk to me. I'm listening'.
If we work together, we can ALL get what we want. Respect, and a show we can all enjoy and be proud of that will stand the test of time and be the outstanding progenitor of many more equally creative and enjoyable future efforts.
Something worth striving for, wouldn't you think? And it all could be yours, and ours, with just a little bit of respect.
Sing it, Aretha!
Respectfully
Phoenix Emrys
5th June 02
Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, SCI FI Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. All blog entries represent the opinion of the poster. All editorials represent the opinion of the author. All linked content represents the opinion of the linked site's webmaster. Copyright on all articles/editorials/blog entries belongs to the original author. Offer void where prohibited. Please remain seated while the aircraft is in motion. Warning: Coffee will be hot. A moose once bit my sister.
